Interacting with Difficult Students
By Dan Brent and Allyson Wynne – Citibank – The Student Loan Corporation

A delightful student “customer” can be the highlight of your workday. A difficult student “customer” can be the low point of your workday. With all the work volume and pressure typical in the Financial Aid Office, you really don’t need some student screaming at you and telling you what inconsiderate idiots you all are!

But wait . . . !

Think about this. Anyone can survive taking care of the needs of a student who is considerate and grateful. It takes a real “pro” to deal with the student who has created his or her own problems and wants to blame the whole thing on you. This is the student who didn’t read the directions, missed the deadline, or failed to follow up on a commitment he’d made. Now he’s feeling the pressure and he needs a scapegoat to blame and to vent his frustration on. You’re it!

It’s useful to remember that the student’s anger is not directed at you personally. He or she did not arrive asking for you by name. (If someone comes in furious and is asking to see you specifically, I’d suggest that you hide and call Security!) The student is angry with the school because something did or didn’t happen, and you are the one who is holding the fort at the moment. You are the person in charge of this interaction. The student may swear or make accusations or attempt to put you down. It is not personal to you. He or she is venting anger and frustration and that’s the way it comes out. So, at your best, you don’t take it personally. You ignore the personal stuff and deal with the problem.

This student is part of the school’s “family”. This student is not an enemy. Since 9-11, we all understand enemies better; this individual is not one.

Think of it this way: every family has members who are a bit embarrassing. There is crazy Aunt Alice who is a bit awkward to deal with. If you are hosting the July 4th picnic, you hope she won’t come. But if she shows up, she’s welcome. She’s family. There is Uncle Ulysses who has spent most of his life in jail. If someone asks, “How is the family?”, you don’t mention him. But he’s family. And if it’s OK with his parole officer, he too is welcome at the picnic.

Hostile customers are like that. They aren’t the students you’re the proudest of, but they too are welcome at your picnic.

Dealing with this individual is a real “customer service” challenge. It provides you with the opportunity to be at your best.

At the end of the day, the student may or may not look back and say to himself, “I was not very nice there and it was really I, not she, who created my problem.” You can’t control what the student does, says, or thinks. But it’s nice when you can look back on the interaction and say to yourself, “That was difficult but, you know what: I was good!”

The following is a list of Do’s and Don’ts to try to abide by when interacting with a difficult student customer:

DO's

• Hold your hands open and receptive at your sides.
• Acknowledge challenging questions and then re-direct to the issue at hand.
• Anticipate but do not expect.
• Listen! (Can you find the word within this word? Silent!)
• Use eye contact.
• Be sensitive to any communication barriers (i.e. language, culture, etc.).
• Identify the problem by paraphrasing what the student is saying.
• Remember the Platinum Rule…Treat the student the way they want and need to be treated.
• Speak respectfully.
• Don't react.
• Empathize with the student; put yourself in their shoes.
• Provide positive feedback, follow-up and follow-through.
• Stay calm, most of the time, the student is reacting to a situation, and is not intending to “attack” you.

DON'TS

• Use your parental finger.
• Be accusatory to the student.
• Be judgmental of the student.
• Be indifferent to the student’s concerns.
• Mislead the student.
• Take it personally.
• Blame the student.
• Say "calm down” or “relax”. These are trigger words and will only make the student more upset.
• Interrupt when the student is venting
• Allow yourself to be pulled into an argument.
• Get defensive.

Keep in mind; you won't always be able to fix the problem. However, it is critical to leave the student with the understanding that your goal is to resolve the problem. Use the tools provided above and you will be well on your way to becoming a customer (student) service pro!